When Plans Change

If you enjoyed today’s video make sure you go and head over to my YouTube channel to see more of what I’ve been up to. Don’t forget to subscribe so you can see my latest videos as they go live at 6pm each day!- Stacey xo

Making a Roast Dinner

Here is the latest vlog that I have managed to get edited together – I am on a roll at the moment and have got quite a few done which are all scheduled ready to go live over the next few days!

Hope you enjoyed it, they are quite short while I still get to grips with it all! Remember to subscribe you you see them as soon as they go live!
– Stacey xo 

What A Weekend!

So this weekend was a bit of a write off!

This week I have stayed at Katie-Jo’s house as I do when I am on the late shift as there are no trains after 11pm. It also gives me a chance to spend time with the boys (even if it is in passing when we leave early and I get back late). So the week as always flew by as I spent the majority of my waking hours in work (10 and a half hour shifts can be a real killer at times!).

So on Saturday we had to get up early as Teddy had his jabs booked in with the vets (Katie-Jo took Buddy on Friday whilst I was at work). This was a trip to the vets everyone was secretly dreading, Teddy because he hates the vets and us because well its stressful and embarrassing. It didn’t get off to a good start when Teddy refused to go through the door – once we managed to coax him in he made friends with another dog and decided to be as submissive as ever and spent a good few minutes on his back. Even though he was clearly quote ‘scared’, he didn’t have to be taken away so they could do his jab as Katie-Jo kept him distracted with lots of cwtches.

Once we had finished in the vets we took him for a walk as a reward and for a bit of one on one time with us (being in a house with 3 other dogs it isn’t often they get your undivided attention). He really seemed to enjoy himself and was in his element picking up all the different sights and scents. He even tried to make a run for the river, which we managed to convince him wasn’t the best idea.

Once we got back we aimed to be really productive and get a lot of work done for our university courses and also Katie-Jo wanted help to start up a new blog. After about an hour or so we sort of got distracted by watching Pretty Little Liars and Homeland.

This is when disaster struck.

I started to get a really bad pain in my stomach, and a bit of a headache we put it down to being tired from the late shift. But it was getting worse – Clare gave me some paracetamol and then I sort of started to fall asleep. Then I began being sick (being sick is the most exhausting thing ever). Not only was I being sick but I started to get a temperature – it all sort of came from nowhere. Luckily Katie-Jo was on hand and looked after me (first time for everything considering she usually has a breakdown whenever anyone is ill or not feeling quite right :P).

When I woke up Sunday morning I still had a bit of a headache but (thankfully) I wasn’t feeling sick anymore. Although after feeling so ill on Saturday afternoon/evening we had a more chilled day. We went down to Tescos so that I could get some Lucozade and some biscuits. Although I was pretty exhausted from being ill we were a little bit more productive than we had been on Saturday. Katie-Jo managed to get quite a bit of her new blog done. I managed to send a few emails to my module leaders, get some more quote of the day posts on my facebook page, caught up on some vlogs on youtube, and got some more things for my blog done.

I went back to work today – but I get a long weekend off – Friday, Saturday and Sunday – So I hope to be able to do something exciting (I’m already going to Annie’s for drinks on Saturday) and vlog the whole weekend.

Hope you all have a good week!

– Stacey xo

CSA Journey: Dear Little Me

Dear Little Me

It’s really weird me telling you that you will be okay… you are probably wondering what planet I’m on, as I know you don’t think it’s possible right now.

You want this cycle to stop. You want these things that are happening to you to stop. You want people to know what he’s doing and what he’s really like. It will stop, it won’t – well not right now but you are strong enough and have been strong to battle on. You will do yourself proud, you will confide in people, just give yourself time to build up the courage you need to to do it.

You are going to feel alone at times. Really alone – but you will be okay. Your mind will feel like your greatest enemy at times – but you will be okay. You’re going to be more than okay. It will feel like no one understands how you are feeling, (you always struggle to find the words but we find them with the right people), but those who care will do their best to understand when you explain, you will work out who those people are. They will have patience with you, they will listen to you, they will comfort you and more than anything will provide you with the support you didn’t think you would ever get. Not everyone will understand and that’s fine because they don’t need to. You should only tell people if you are ready to and when you are ready to. Don’t feel pushed into a corner to explain how you are feeling, what has happened to you or what is going on – do it on your time, when you are ready.

You want to escape. You want to run away and never look back. That’s okay – you don’t need to though. In time you won’t be in Cambridge – you will move away and only return to visit. That suffocating feeling you have right now will subside. It won’t always be there – I still feel it now but it is nowhere near as bad as how it used to be. You will start to feel the freedom you need, it won’t be now – but it will come.

Something you will learn and that I am still learning is to not give in. You will get knocked back, you will lose your way but you’ll find it again – it happens to everyone – this doesn’t just happen to you.

I know the worst time of the day for us is the night time. Your mind will start to work overtime and as you get older you will get flashbacks and have nightmares. This will come and go, this isn’t because you are weak.

It’s important to know everything you are feeling is normal. You will have huge lows but give yourself time, and you will find a way out of them. Don’t struggle on your own – we are very good at not asking for help, I’m getting better but because you’ve been dealing with all of this on your own right now you find it hard to open up and ask for help when you need it. That’s okay but we do start learn to speak up before the problems gets too bad.

The future really is yours you will test the rollercoaster you are on at times but you will work things out and find the right track. Don’t push yourself too much if you’re not ready, it is not a race.

You will learn to love you both inside and outside. I’m still learning now but we aren’t nearly as self destructive as we were, as you will be.

Some people will react with surprise when you tell them what you have been through, some people won’t like that you can be so open and honest about it all. But that isn’t your problem – keep talking, keep being open… you’re helping yourself and you don’t know who else it is helping. To be honest what were they expecting to see from someone who has been sexually abused? (Yes I know you don’t like hearing it so bluntly – I still don’t, we’re working on that)

Keep believing in yourself, you’re doing great.

Love you… in the future – older but not much taller.

Ps. We have the best sense of humour!

Hangover Day

The day after the night before… We didn’t manage to video much as we were quite hungover… although we would hate to admit it!

Remember if you want to see more videos like this make sure you subscribe to my channel!
– Stacey xo