Life: Bye Bournemouth

Tomorrow we move to Cardiff! It feels like it has taken ages to get to this point as packing has been a long a drawn out process! But it is all finally done, everything is in boxes. It’s weird seeing everything packed up like that. I’m not sure I like it, it’s weird not having everything around the house. I think the part that was the worst bit to do was all the the cleaning, it felt like we were having to go back over everything because we needed to use the kitchen or the bathroom or we noticed we had missed something. However I definitely think we have learnt some lessons for moving in the future as I didn’t realise how much needed to be done in order to move as my parents had always done it when we had moved before. Although I think for our first real attempt we have done quite well between us!

Fingers crossed everything goes smoothly tomorrow. I hope that the weather stays dry so that we can head to the beach one last time while we wait for Clare and Dermott to arrive with the van. I think it will be quite stressful loading the van but once its done it will be okay. we will be staying at Clare’s house on Friday night so there isn’t a huge pressure on how long it takes to get to Cardiff.

The part I really can’t wait for is to get our keys on Saturday and finally moving in to our new house.  Hopefully unpacking is a lot quicker than packing was!

– Stacey xo

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Life: Bye Bournemouth

Tomorrow we move to Cardiff! It feels like it has taken ages to get to this point as packing has been a long a drawn out process! But it is all finally done, everything is in boxes. It’s weird seeing everything packed up like that. I’m not sure I like it, it’s weird not having everything around the house. I think the part that was the worst bit to do was all the the cleaning, it felt like we were having to go back over everything because we needed to use the kitchen or the bathroom or we noticed we had missed something. However I definitely think we have learnt some lessons for moving in the future as I didn’t realise how much needed to be done in order to move as my parents had always done it when we had moved before. Although I think for our first real attempt we have done quite well between us!

Fingers crossed everything goes smoothly tomorrow. I hope that the weather stays dry so that we can head to the beach one last time while we wait for Clare and Dermott to arrive with the van. I think it will be quite stressful loading the van but once its done it will be okay. we will be staying at Clare’s house on Friday night so there isn’t a huge pressure on how long it takes to get to Cardiff.

The part I really can’t wait for is to get our keys on Saturday and finally moving in to our new house.  Hopefully unpacking is a lot quicker than packing was!

– Stacey xo

Life: My Little Love Story

I’ve mentioned Katie-Jo quite a bit on my blog now so I thought it was about time I introduced her properly. We met on the 16th September 2013 in our first year of university. Her room was opposite mine in our own little corridor in our shared house.

I remember her standing in my door way looking incredible wearing a pair of white jeans on the first or second night of freshers. I think I have most certainly ‘fancied’ her since then and if not I have definitely found her incredibly attractive since then. We spent quite a lot of freshers together, I remember one night when we were sat in the kitchen for hours, another night when I pretended to be a spacewoman with a bin on my head planking on the floor resulting in me cutting my chin open.

We gradually went everywhere together even resulting in me going back to Cardiff with her one weekend to see her family. I think I’ve pretty much been to Cardiff with her every time since. Minus last Christmas, which felt like we were apart forever!

I looked after her when she was ill, she was always there when I needed someone to talk to, we even ended up sleeping in each other beds because we would just fall asleep talking or watching films.

It was weird when we ended up having to go back home for the summer, I felt like a part of me was missing. I ended up going to Cardiff for Katie-Jo’s birthday – yet again she looked incredible! We even planned a spur of the moment weekend the week before we were due to move back to Bournemouth for Cardiff Pride and again I ended up staying with her. Saying goodbye to each other after Pride was weird, neither of us seemed to want to do it. Where as we’d normally be making fun of each other we could barely speak to each other.

By the end of my weekend in Cardiff for Pride I couldn’t wait to move back to Bournemouth. I had always found her attractive but no matter how many people told us ‘we should be together’ or ‘we would make a good couple’ we were both adamant that we were just friends. It wasn’t until I saw her car come around the corner, she was late, as usual, that I knew there was definitely something more between us, there had always been ‘moments’ when I thought what if, but always shook them off thinking that it would ruin the amazing friendship we had.

When we moved into our new house in Bournemouth Katie-Jo started her new job straight away and quite honestly I felt like a lost puppy. I didn’t know what to do with myself as the previous year (last year) we had spent basically all day every day together.

On the 7th October 2013 we had had a few drinks and as alcohol does it makes you a little bit more confident. I knew I really ‘liked’ Katie-Jo but wasn’t entirely sure that she felt the same so I kept holding her hand and seeing if I could get any sense of her feeling the same, which I definitely did when she kissed me! We carried on kissing practically all night. Before we went to sleep I remember her asking me ‘What’s going to happen in the morning’ and I replied with ‘I’ll kiss you’ and true to my word the next morning I did exactly that. However we cooled things off until the 9th October 2013 and we have been together ever since then!

On the 17th April 2014 I decided to propose to Katie-Jo. I had been planning it for a while but I couldn’t decide when to actually ask her. I had everything to do it so when I went to pick up the ring I got way too excited and decided to do it that day. I was so scared that she would say no I spent ages on the phone to my Mum. I asked her Mum’s permission to make sure that it was okay. I had even let her best friend in on it when we visited her in London. I spent ages decorating the living room with ballons and petals, I had had a banner made, I went to the florist and bought her some flowers (a very daunting process when the florist asked me what I was looking for seeing as I have no idea about flowers!), I roped in one of our housemates to help me blow up some balloons. I even hid a camera in the room to be able to capture it. I wanted it to be special and I knew (because she had specifically told me that she didn’t want anyone else there) that it had to be somewhere just the two of us – so where better than the place than where we had our first kiss!

On Friday the 1st August we will be moving into our first house together, just the two of us, and I can’t wait. I’m really looking forward to seeing where she grew up properly, being able to see her family, and meeting new people.

I can’t wait for our future together and what it holds – going on holidays together, being able to spend Christmas together, getting married, having kids!

– Stacey xo

Life: My Little Love Story

I’ve mentioned Katie-Jo quite a bit on my blog now so I thought it was about time I introduced her properly. We met on the 16th September 2013 in our first year of university. Her room was opposite mine in our own little corridor in our shared house.

I remember her standing in my door way looking incredible wearing a pair of white jeans on the first or second night of freshers. I think I have most certainly ‘fancied’ her since then and if not I have definitely found her incredibly attractive since then. We spent quite a lot of freshers together, I remember one night when we were sat in the kitchen for hours, another night when I pretended to be a spacewoman with a bin on my head planking on the floor resulting in me cutting my chin open.

We gradually went everywhere together even resulting in me going back to Cardiff with her one weekend to see her family. I think I’ve pretty much been to Cardiff with her every time since. Minus last Christmas, which felt like we were apart forever!

I looked after her when she was ill, she was always there when I needed someone to talk to, we even ended up sleeping in each other beds because we would just fall asleep talking or watching films.

It was weird when we ended up having to go back home for the summer, I felt like a part of me was missing. I ended up going to Cardiff for Katie-Jo’s birthday – yet again she looked incredible! We even planned a spur of the moment weekend the week before we were due to move back to Bournemouth for Cardiff Pride and again I ended up staying with her. Saying goodbye to each other after Pride was weird, neither of us seemed to want to do it. Where as we’d normally be making fun of each other we could barely speak to each other.

By the end of my weekend in Cardiff for Pride I couldn’t wait to move back to Bournemouth. I had always found her attractive but no matter how many people told us ‘we should be together’ or ‘we would make a good couple’ we were both adamant that we were just friends. It wasn’t until I saw her car come around the corner, she was late, as usual, that I knew there was definitely something more between us, there had always been ‘moments’ when I thought what if, but always shook them off thinking that it would ruin the amazing friendship we had.

When we moved into our new house in Bournemouth Katie-Jo started her new job straight away and quite honestly I felt like a lost puppy. I didn’t know what to do with myself as the previous year (last year) we had spent basically all day every day together.

On the 7th October 2013 we had had a few drinks and as alcohol does it makes you a little bit more confident. I knew I really ‘liked’ Katie-Jo but wasn’t entirely sure that she felt the same so I kept holding her hand and seeing if I could get any sense of her feeling the same, which I definitely did when she kissed me! We carried on kissing practically all night. Before we went to sleep I remember her asking me ‘What’s going to happen in the morning’ and I replied with ‘I’ll kiss you’ and true to my word the next morning I did exactly that. However we cooled things off until the 9th October 2013 and we have been together ever since then!

On the 17th April 2014 I decided to propose to Katie-Jo. I had been planning it for a while but I couldn’t decide when to actually ask her. I had everything to do it so when I went to pick up the ring I got way too excited and decided to do it that day. I was so scared that she would say no I spent ages on the phone to my Mum. I asked her Mum’s permission to make sure that it was okay. I had even let her best friend in on it when we visited her in London. I spent ages decorating the living room with ballons and petals, I had had a banner made, I went to the florist and bought her some flowers (a very daunting process when the florist asked me what I was looking for seeing as I have no idea about flowers!), I roped in one of our housemates to help me blow up some balloons. I even hid a camera in the room to be able to capture it. I wanted it to be special and I knew (because she had specifically told me that she didn’t want anyone else there) that it had to be somewhere just the two of us – so where better than the place than where we had our first kiss!

On Friday the 1st August we will be moving into our first house together, just the two of us, and I can’t wait. I’m really looking forward to seeing where she grew up properly, being able to see her family, and meeting new people.

I can’t wait for our future together and what it holds – going on holidays together, being able to spend Christmas together, getting married, having kids!

– Stacey xo

Poem: I Look Upto You

I have been given something not everyone gets the chance of
The who don’t are angels in the sky looking down on us from the sky above
People we wish were here with us, people we will never forget
People we weren’t ready to say goodbye to yet

Because of them I can’t give up when things get too hard
Because of them I put a smile on my face even though my mind might be scarred

When I don’t know what to do
All I have to look at you
And I’ll know you’re looking back down at me
Even though you aren’t visible for me to see.

– Stacey xo

Poem: Sometimes I Might

I’m gonna put a smile on my face
Otherwise I’ll look like I’m in a distant place
Experiencing things I’ll never forget
Related to someone I wish I never met
But deep inside something tells me to keep going
Deep inside something tells me to keep growing

Sometimes I might seem like a closed book
Sometimes when you talk I might not be able to look
I might feel uncomfortable in a room full of people
I don’t want to be treated differently, we’re simply equal
I might fidget when I talk about topics that don’t come naturally
I might have hard days but they only last temporarily
Sometimes I might want to bolt straight out of the door
But I am a person, nothing less and nothing more

I am not defined by the things that have happened to me
I am me, the person I want to be
The person standing in front of you that you can see.

– Stacey xo

CSA: Imagine Your House On Fire

I remember after my abuser had committed suicide it was so hard going and seeing family knowing that they now knew about it.

I really struggled with this, because it was as though my abuser had taken something else out of my hands, by committing suicide. I wanted people to know, but I wasn’t ready for it. Although I don’t think I would ever be ready for it.

During the week after his death, I broke down quit a lot and I really struggled to explain why to my family, I just felt as though, even though they were trying their best to, they didn’t understand.

I explained to my Mum how being abused makes me feel by telling her to imagine coming home everyday and seeing your home being set on fire and not being able to do anything to put it out and just having to watch it burn, seeing all the memories go, all of you belongings, and everything that means anything to you. But not only seeing that once, seeing it everyday that you come home, knowing you can expect that but not knowing what to do about it and not be able to do anything about it. It makes you feel as though you don’t want to go home, because you don’t feel safe, you don’t know what else could happen. You wouldn’t just forget about it, you would remember it, the memories of it would follow you. You can’t feel safe because you are scared of what will happen.

This was the only way I could explain it to my Mum.

– Stacey xo

CSA: Imagine Your House On Fire

I remember after my abuser had committed suicide it was so hard going and seeing family knowing that they now knew about it.

I really struggled with this, because it was as though my abuser had taken something else out of my hands, by committing suicide. I wanted people to know, but I wasn’t ready for it. Although I don’t think I would ever be ready for it.

During the week after his death, I broke down quit a lot and I really struggled to explain why to my family, I just felt as though, even though they were trying their best to, they didn’t understand.

I explained to my Mum how being abused makes me feel by telling her to imagine coming home everyday and seeing your home being set on fire and not being able to do anything to put it out and just having to watch it burn, seeing all the memories go, all of you belongings, and everything that means anything to you. But not only seeing that once, seeing it everyday that you come home, knowing you can expect that but not knowing what to do about it and not be able to do anything about it. It makes you feel as though you don’t want to go home, because you don’t feel safe, you don’t know what else could happen. You wouldn’t just forget about it, you would remember it, the memories of it would follow you. You can’t feel safe because you are scared of what will happen.

This was the only way I could explain it to my Mum.

– Stacey xo

Life: Results Confusion

So as a result of the investigation and my abusers suicide I didn’t sit the final exams of my foundation degree and now have to do the resits in August (luckily I get to do them uncapped due to my mitigating circumstances). However this has caused so many problems for my Top Up course as the results aren’t my final grades and it doesn’t work with UCAS.

Its so stressful especially as I have to revise for the resits and get all of my packing done for moving. I wish it was all so much more straight forward. To be honest it would be nice to just know I definitely had a place on the course because all I want to do is get my degree completed.

Hopefully it all gets sorted soon!

– Stacey xo

Life: Results Confusion

So as a result of the investigation and my abusers suicide I didn’t sit the final exams of my foundation degree and now have to do the resits in August (luckily I get to do them uncapped due to my mitigating circumstances). However this has caused so many problems for my Top Up course as the results aren’t my final grades and it doesn’t work with UCAS.

Its so stressful especially as I have to revise for the resits and get all of my packing done for moving. I wish it was all so much more straight forward. To be honest it would be nice to just know I definitely had a place on the course because all I want to do is get my degree completed.

Hopefully it all gets sorted soon!

– Stacey xo