Poem: What Difference Does It Make

People stop and look at me

They don’t understand what they see
Instead the slot me into a stereotype
But I like to think we’re all different prototypes
You might have already experienced what I’m about to
But to me its all new
This is my first and only chance at life
So what difference should it make if I want a husband or wife
I doesn’t change that I’m just like you
I eat the same foods
I experience the same feelings and moods
I wear the same clothes
I watch the same TV shows
It’s not easy being me
Because so many people disagree
With the life I lead
But what they don’t understand is it isn’t a want or need
It’s just quite simply who I am
It shouldn’t make a difference
Whether you are gay or straight
We’re told not to judge someone on their appearance
So surely it isn’t too late
To stop people trying to hate
Others based upon their sexuality
Because quite simply its not an abnormality
Let me know what you think.
– Esjae xo
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Poem: Not For Your Entertainment

I’ve really been struggling to get back into writing poems, but I have finally written one today that I really like:

Not For Your Entertainment

You know my name not my story
You see me fall down but you won’t help, just simply ignore me
Behind my eyes are the silent tears I want to cry
But instead I’ll wear a smile that’s an innocent lie
There are so many things I want to say
But I’ll save them for some other day

I’ll pretend I’m filled with happiness
Because today there isn’t anything I want to confess
You can try to guess
But I won’t tell you anytime soon
It’s almost as though this fake happiness is some kind of costume

Too many people pretend they want to know you
But all they want to do
It talk about you
I’m not going to be dragged into that black hole
Because I want to keep some form of control
On my life and what you know
As it isn’t for your entertainment, its not a stage show

I know who I can trust
And with them there isn’t anything I can’t discuss
At times I might not make the best decisions
But I’ll always have the few who support my ambitions
There might be times I take these people for granted
But I’ll always appreciate the support they have given me
As they always look beneath the surface and really see
How I’m feeling on my good and bad days
They will never ask for me to explain
Because they already know whats going on inside my brain

That’s why I don’t care
If some people stop and stare
Because I have the people around me
That know me and look beyond what they see
It’s their opinion that I care about
Not those who talk to you to have something to shout about
– Esjae xo

Poem: No Matter

Okay, I’ve tried to write a poem all day and I’ve been getting frustrated at the fact I couldn’t write anything I liked – this is what I have ended up with:

No Matter

No matter where I turn
There is always something new I have to learn
Sometimes I feel so alienated
But then that makes me become even more motivated

I want to prove to everyone that I can
No matter which side of the fence they stand
Whether they have always believed in me
Or if they have hated me and everything I’ve wanted to be

I’ll always want to see everyone else smile
Before I can, as that’s what makes me feel worthwhile
I want to put everyone else first before me
As its their happiness I want to see

I’ve always believed, if you don’t try you never will
But even still
If you try and can’t succeed the first time
Remember, ‘Quitters don’t win’ before you resign

– Esjae xo

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Life: Happy Results Day

It’s crazy how this time last year I was one of the people getting my results to see if I had gotten into uni. I hope everyone got the grades they wanted and are able to go onto doing what they want to do.

So much has changed for me in the past year all because I managed to scrape through the grades I needed for my A Levels to get to get me my place at uni. It has definitely been a year full of ups and downs and I have met some awesome people along the way.

I can’t wait to start my second year!

– Esjae xo

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Poem: Everyone’s Prison

I thought I would have a go at writing a poem as I haven’t done it in a while, here’s what I came up with:

Everyone’s Prison

Your mind is your own cell
Constantly battling with your own personal hell
A secret that you simply can’t tell
Putting up a front so that nobody knows
The weakness that you can’t afford to expose
Trying to define yourself as a person when you have so many personalities
Just so that you can cover up all of your vulnerabilities

When you are on your own
You’re shaking at the bars so that you are not alone
Going around in circles trying to find a solution
For this private personal execution

You want to set yourself free
So that you are able to be
The person you have always known
But have always been to afraid to show

Let me know what you think.

– Esjae xo

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Life: Family Holiday Camping In Leiston

Every year my family goes camping, this year we took my Auntie and Cousin with us as well. My parents organised it whilst I was at uni and they decided on us going to Leiston, a place I have never heard of on the Suffolk coast.

Check out the videos from my youtube channel and see what happened:


– Esjae xo
Blog: http://www.esjaeofficial.blogspot.comTwitter: https://twitter.com/stazzyhubbsFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/theesjaeofficialYoutube: https://www.youtube.com/theofficialesjaeInstagram: http://instagram.com/stazzyhubbsSnapchat: stazzyhubbsScribd: http://www.scribd.com/esjaeofficial

Review: Between Friends by Amanda Cowen

Between Friends by Amanda Cowen

Published March 2013

“If your looking for a fun, read this is sure one you will enjoy!” – Chris’s Book Blog Emporium

“Short and sweet story with a adorable HEA for the hero and heroine that I don’t think you should pass up!” – Jelena’s Book Blog

“The chemistry between Ben and Megan were both funny during the preparations for Jessica’s wedding to the most sweetest thing he could do to win her heart!” – Stuck In YA Books Book Blog

(New Adult Contemporary) **Mature Content** Recommended for ages 17+ due to sexual content and language.

The only way to have a friend is to be one…especially between the sheets…

When neurotically challenged and unlucky in love Megan Daniels is propositioned by her life-long friend Ben Romano with a coin toss (heads, they sleep together, tails, they don’t) the night before they are about to attend a destination wedding, she drunkenly accepts his challenge. But when Megan wakes up the next morning with a bad hang-over and Ben in her bed, she is more than mortified. It isn’t until the tropical heat begins to ignite emotions Megan never believed or thought she could possibly have, when she starts to question if risking their friendship is the answer to finding true love. 

A cute and contemporary debut novel, BETWEEN FRIENDS faces one girl’s struggle between the fine lines of friendship and love and the risk of opening up her heart to the possibility of forever.


I got this book free on my Kindle and read it whilst I was on holiday. I found it to have a slow start and was pretty predictable all the way through. However the characters were good although the situations they were in wasn’t always believable. 

The book was enjoyable overall even though in parts I found it difficult to read due to the plot being quite slow and feeling as though it took a while to get to the point.

– Esjae xo

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Life: Race For Life Cambridge

Okay, I’ve neglected But I’m going to get back into writing here again and get you all up to speed with my life and get the rest of the blog up to date.

At the beginning of the summer I decided to sign up for the ‘Race for Life’ in Cambridge after saying I was going to do it a few years ago. Then my Mum and Auntie said they were going to do it too. Originally I was going to run the 5 km but due to injuring my ankle two days before so I ended up walking it with them too.

Below you can see a few videos from it:

– Esjae x
Blog: http://www.esjaeofficial.blogspot.comTwitter: https://twitter.com/stazzyhubbsFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/theesjaeofficialYoutube: https://www.youtube.com/theofficialesjaeInstagram: http://instagram.com/stazzyhubbsSnapchat: stazzyhubbsScribd: http://www.scribd.com/esjaeofficial